You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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