You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
smell my finger.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
