Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
