she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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