I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
