Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
