In the future we'll all be gay
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
