i permit you to call me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize