Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
