I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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