We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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