he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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