As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
