I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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