I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
