Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
