how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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