How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
