just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
