Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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