i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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