hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
