Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
