Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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