you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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