In the future we'll all be gay
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
