If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
