id be glad to
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
