This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
