i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
