The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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