Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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