So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
