Do you still have your period?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
