remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
