mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
