Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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