He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
