yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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