In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
