my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Terrible idea I love it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize