Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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