I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you never un-have a 4some
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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