I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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