3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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