I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This baby is an asshole
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
