I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
