According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He better not be in your backpack
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
