Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Screwed.edu
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
