I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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