do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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