how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
