I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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