Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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