It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
