i just google imaged poop.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
