Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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