who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
