I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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