hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
