I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how drunk are you?
Several
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
