And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
