a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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