why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
