Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
