She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
